Harder than it seems: being patient, just relaxing

M and I are heading to the Northern California coast today, returning on Wednesday. It’s an area we’ve been through many, many times, but other than stopping for an occasional meal while driving through, it is a new place for us. In addition to the beach there are mountains and trails to nearby to explore, and this is the busier season with tourists and such. We have no particular plans, other than walking the beach and hiking some of the nearby trailheads. The weather is going to be cool (high 60s), which will be a welcome relief from the high 90s here at home.

While I am happy about the break, my mind is obsessing over work and home related details. 

At the office and with my two part-time jobs, things will be fine. I spent my Saturday catching up at work, putting the tons of paperwork in order, drafting a few letters to go out on Monday, reviewing several reports so I would not have to deal with them on Thursday when I get back. Part-time jobs are always pick-up, drop-off and manageable in my absence. My daughter texted me photos of her crash results – ouch! – but phoned last night to say she is feeling pretty good, all things considered, and bruised ribs are not something she EVER wants to endure again. Good spirits, though, and off a few days. She is her mother’s daughter, though, and gets bored just sitting at home being sick, would much rather be at work and being productive. My son is flying home from Dallas today and will stop by the house Monday and Tuesday and retrieve a couple of packages I am expecting.

All is well in my world. Yet as usual, I find it difficult to just let go and relax.

Once we are on the road and traveling, it will be easier. We will be on our way to someplace beautiful and interesting to explore. We are staying at a place that sounds really great and I hope is really great. I have books to read for fun on the ipad. I am looking forward to long walks on and around the beach. Yet every time someone suggest I relax, it makes me more tense. Other than going to Disneyland, where I know I will be distracted and happy and have a great time doing things designed to entertain, I find starting a vacation to be an intimidating experience. And I am impatient to get there and get this whole relaxing show on the road. 

It is odd to me, having anxiety and impatience to be less anxious. About a minor vacation. I am not concerned about costs or not having a good time. I just want to know what sorts of things we will see and explore and do and how we will plan our unplanned agenda. It’s ridiculous. I feel as if I am burning myself out on vacation even before starting to pack.

I do much better when there is pressure and a deadline. Too much downtime seems to stress me out. But I am usually fine once we leave and are driving, and by Tuesday I am wishing I had planned for a longer trip. And by next week, I will be impatient to start the cycle all over again, looking over the calendar to plan our next away adventure.

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