Like most bloggers, I appreciate those who read and like and especially leave comments. It means a lot to me, particularly since I have no specific goal or agenda I am pursuing. I cannot ever imaging having lots and lots of followers or comments on a daily basis, because I’m pretty random and personal in whatever I share here with you.
There are so many other blogs out there that I admire. If I have favorites, it’s those personal stories from waypoints on life’s journey, sharing perspectives, feelings, lessons learned, problems resolved. Sometimes I have been there, in my past life as a divorced woman with young children, juggling single parenthood and responsibility. I vaguely remember dating, between divorce and M, and I do not miss it at all. I have enough friends going through that process to be extraordinarily grateful for a stable, happy, contented marriage. My list of blessings starts right there, with my husband, followed by my wonderful kids, bunches of close friends, good jobs, happy life.
As I frequently remark, I am richly blessed. I hope and pray I never come across as smug or entitled to this level of happiness and contentment; it is work that I am happy to have the option of pursuing.
This is post number 292 for me, such a surprise to have actually had enough to say that I managed to publish this many posts in the last 10+ months. I know that the blogs I follow I read every single post, and I feel so fortunate to have found some genuine voices that entertain, inspire, and add color and clarity to my world. I probably do not comment, like, or share my enthusiasm enough, but I will be sad if any ever completely top posting. Reading comments today, I realize how a few words from complete strangers mean so much and simply made my day that much better. Blogging – writing, reading, commenting – keeps me grounded in the reality of my good fortune and hard work; that things could be so much worse and I fear falling down the rabbit hole and losing myself if I am not vigilant about protecting the most precious aspects of the life I have.
It’s tough to feel pissy about my boss and a job that allows M to be at home when others have no spouse, have lesser paying jobs, are supporting an elderly parent and/or child on the small salary, and are not complaining about their life and times. They are tired. They are scared. But they are seeking solutions to improve it – another part-time job, ways to cut their expenses further, enjoying the little victories in difficult times.
It’s hard to feel like a boring married person when others are lonely and strongly desire to connect with someone and find the world is full of weird and flaky people. If ever I start to think the grass is greener I need to talk to only one or two close friends who are single to have renewed appreciation for M and our relationship.
If ever I feel neglected by my adult children I can find endless numbers of examples of other parents with disabled or troubled children who consume extraordinary amounts of their time and energy. My heart breaks for them, and I am grateful both my kids seem to be successfully managing their own lives. I doubt I will ever find words to describe how grateful I am to have kids who talk to me, share their lives with us, are intwined as family community rather than blackmailed or purchased into being contributing parts of our little tribe.
So many are suffering through painful, devastating problems and circumstances. I may not have been through the same situations, I truly may not have any idea how to get over what they endure, just like they can (hopefully) never identify with the sources of past agony in my life. But every day is a new day, and the only thing I know I can control is my attitude and my feelings. I always hope I choose to be happy, but I accept that I falter and I fail. I have angry moments, hours, days. Same with negative. Same with anxious, depressed, and fearful. But I try to be my better self. Every day, every minute of every day, I have opportunities to turn it around, improve my outlook. For me. Because I deserve to be happy. And those I love deserve the benefit of me, happy.
So from the bottom of my heart, thanks for reading. For following. For commenting. For liking my posts. For liking and replying to my comments. While I blog for me to share with you, it amazes, humbles, and touches me to know my random-ness is received.