Or a beautiful life. Or some other positive affirmation life.
Today has been uneven with ups and downs, but the ups have been particularly gratifying and do a lot to soften the downs. I had a check-in with my endocrinologist this morning and my numbers are primarily positive. My A1c (3 month measure of my overall blood sugar) is still too high, but it’s down 3.2 points from our last visit. EVERYTHING else is fantastic. Cholesterol is low, tryglycerides have dropped significantly. We tweaked my insulin dosages and will look at them by emal/phone in a couple of weeks to ensure we are on the right track, otherwise we will do this dance again in February. If I can keep the pressure on the diet, exercise, and taking my meds on time, I should continue to see improvement in the A1c.
I am greatly encouraged by this for a few reasons.
I have been successful in sustaining my overall level of exercise. I either row or stride the wild arc trainer or both every day for at least 30 minutes. If I do nothing else, I get my 30 minutes of cardio. It’s now an ingrained habit. Bikram has also restarted, although haphazardly thus far. I really want to do 3 classes a week, but thus far I feel blessed if I make it once per week. It’s a work in progress, not something to flog myself over. Getting up, getting moving, every single day – I’m doing it.
My eating has been hit and miss, but let me be honest that a lot of crap goes into my mouth. Gleefully. Without guilt or worry. Stress eating, boredom eating, just because it tastes good eating. I have no excuse. It is not so much that I feel deprived so much as very bad habits are difficult to break. Plus I have discovered coffee, my one cup from the Keurig with milk and a scoop of Nestle quik or no milk and ice and chocolate protein powder (weekends only, prior to longer exercise) now a daily sin. On the flip side I know I have cut back A LOT on my gratuitous sugar consumption. Soda is a rarer treat. Chocolate and candy consumption reduced to 2 mini milky way darks a few times each week. I eat more salads and vegetables. I still love my beef and chicken, just lesser portions. I limit myself to 2 slices of pizza every other week on half price pizza night or when the kids come over. I still have plenty of room for improvement, but I am not hopeless and binging today because the situation feels hopeless.
The biggest hurdle has been testing consistently and remembering to take medication. Excuses and reasons for my failure in this area abound, but I am mostly distracted and unprepared. I forget them at home. I leave them in my purse and forget to take them. We are out to dinner and I forget to take them. It is, when I think about it, ridiculous. In the mornings I have a medication to take before meals as well as my insulin, a couple that I take with or without food (usually before breakfast), and one that I take after meals. However, if I am in a rush I routinely forget the after meal tablet. Routinely. Lunch is just a small amount of insulin, but I have to test beforehand, too. At work I’m busy, distracted, and despite the reminder from my phone, I put it off in favor of finishing whatever I am currently working on, etc. I may or may not remember the midday insulin dose. Evenings after work? Probably 50% of the time I forget. I am either really hungry when I get home and start snacking, I am not hungry (after snacking in the afternoon) and forget about eating AND medications, or I am busy with home stuff and cooking and hungry so when we sit down to dinner my focus is food, not testing, taking insulin and oral meds. It’s a problem and I have to figure out a way to be better.
I believe with the meds I need more structure to my schedule. When I incorporate it into a regular routine I have no problems. It’s just when I slack off and do whatever on weekends I start getting lazy and fall out of my habits. Going forward I will have to be better about sticking with my alarms, testing, medicating, eating on time. It feels like this would go a long way toward getting me where I want to be in terms of health happiness.
I have to say positive progress is a huge incentive for me. I so want to have these pleasant meetings with my doctor where I do not feel like a total disappointing, worthless patient that needs to have her jaws wired shut or something. Not that my truly great doc makes me feel like that; I go in with this apprehensive, OMG he is going to tell me stuff I do not want to hear, I am a terrible patient type outlook. Today I tried a different tact. I decided no matter what, I would accept the numbers, digest them, and hopefully not have to change medications or make him want to try something else to get me into tighter control. He did mention that there are others we could try, but we are both encouraged this go-round. Other than some minor tweaks to the insulin dosages, and explaining to me (again) that using the scale adjustment for dosages is conservative and will not harm me if I follow his instructions, we are staying the course for another few months.
The dream of having a labs appointment where we talk about dosages, maybe reduce them, is again alive and well. A girl must have hope of progress.
And if this is my biggest worry, biggest issue this week, I am delighted. Work has its own share of headaches and problems today, but I feel so delighted to be making positive progress in my overall health I can certainly deal.