More loss, more grief, and the happily ever after

My full-time local boss’ mother passed away on Thanksgiving. She had been ill the past few months, in the hospital from time to time. Her health seemed to be stablize, so they came west for the winter as they typically do. A few weeks ago she fell again and was hospitalized while the boss was visiting and conducting business near there. The prognosis this time did not appear good, and she slipped away on Thanksgiving, her husband and children at her bedside. It is sad.

The boss says his parents had been married 64 years in January. His father is in frailer health as well and speaks of his remaining time and his readiness to join his wife and continue their happily ever after. This is upsetting to the boss, of course, having just had to say final goodbyes to his mother. But at the same time, I am charmed and comforted by the idea of them being together in the hereafter. My own parents were married 47 years when my dad passed, and my mother lasted another 12 years after that. In my lifetime they never seemed openly affectionate or loving toward one another, it was more like two people who had lived together long enough for it to be habit. It’s different with my boss’ folks. I have met them on a few occasions in the years I have been part of this firm, and they always seemed like this charming older couple who still sparked off and were attentive to and in tune with one another.

I hope the boss’ dad is around awhile longer, if only to give his children and grandchildren opportunity to grieve their mother/grandmother before he leaves to join her. But I will not be surprised if he too slips away soon.

My part-time job #2 boss lost his father on Monday. Massive heart attack. His dad held on long enough for him to fly home and spend a few minutes saying goodbye. This boss is having a much, much harder time. We do not see each other a lot, maybe once or twice ever quarter, but we email and/or speak via phone several times each week. I know him well enough from our interactions over the last year to know he loves his parents very much. Their love story ended 20+ years ago in divorce. His father never remarried, and his mother was widowed a few years ago when second husband died of cancer. I assisted her with arrangements to get home (they are originally from Australia) and she told me it feels as if she has been widowed a second time. So sad.

M feels badly for me, being buffeted on all sides by loss. He grieves for his father and finally understands that the angry surges from things over which he/we have no control and cannot change are turning our home toxic for me. It has been raining a lot this weekend and now this week, so the longer runs/walks that burn off a lot of that energy are almost impossible. Yet there he was, suiting up in his his rain gear this morning and determined to get out and do at least 10 miles. I expect he will come home a cold, muddy mess but in a much better, clearer frame of mind. I hope, anyway. I love the guy; I want him to be okay and not angry, broody, upset to the point of stomachaches. Grief, I understand, accept, and can readily cope with; it’s the anger that kills.

My own frame of mind is bouncing back. We are getting into the holiday spirit, assembling our tree and getting the new baubles sorted out and ready to hang. Tonight we will probably be working on the tree and then placing the wrapped presents underneath. The next two weekends are busy with holiday social events, then it’s C’s birthday, and finally Christmas. This month will pass quickly, so I getting my head and priorities straight so I can enjoy the moments.

4 thoughts on “More loss, more grief, and the happily ever after

  1. They say death comes in threes, and so far, it was your father-in-law and the two individuals in this post. With your father-in-law passing, has your husband talked about how he feels about the entire situation this week? Or does he prefer to leave it alone and reflect alone?

    • He does, but it tends to brew and stew while I am away at the office during the day, then come spilling out like a negative lava lake when I get home. As sad as it is, these other losses with others we know tends to put things into perspective for both of us.

  2. What One Gentleman said about threes is scary. My friend, my boss’ husband, and just last week our friends’ full term baby at 38 weeks just passed. It’s so sad and brings out an array of emotions. I’m sorry for your loss.

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