It has been an unpleasant day. Work was fine. M is mostly fine … I’ll get there in a minute. Everyone else I crossed paths with, both in real-life and online, seemed to have problems. Not serious problems, just annoying whining, negative, share-the-misery sort of problems.

Which brings me to M. *sigh*

Anxiety is a personal thing, and each of us handles it and demonstrate it differently. With M, he tends to go into avoidance mode, procrastinating until almost the last moment. For at least 2, probably closer to 3 months he has known he was due to have a medical exam to retain his commercial driver license on or before his birthday, which is Friday. Knowing this causes all sorts of anxiety about health. Is his blood pressure too high? Has his vision gotten worse? Both are flags he does not want on his license. He wanted to have an eye exam and ensure he was doing the right things to ensure his blood pressure is nice and low. I have elected not to be his mother in this matter, meaning I do not bring it up, do not remind him, do not say a word about it. If he needed help, he could ask. But if I ask about it, snappish exchanges take place that very quickly escalate into stronger than normal tiffs.

I get home today at 5:20 and M is asking me if he needs an appointment to get an eye exam at the local Lenscrafters. I tell him I think the eye exam portion closes at 6, but he should probably call. After 5 minutes of arguing with Siri about looking up the telephone number, he finally acquires it and calls, to be told there are no exams available because the doctor leaves at 6 p.m., as I told him. He makes an appointment for tomorrow, but he is miffed about not getting the appointment tonight, when he wanted it. A good 10 minutes of venting from the other room ensued. After already dealing with coworker and friend endless whining about nothing today, I am not in the mood to listen to it. Thankfully he senses that and improves his mood and outlook after a shower. Because he has no one to blame but himself for feeling pressured and short on time.

M has a natural tendency to be on the downer, depressive side of life, and he works hard to stay out of that sphere of influence. I understand he feels anxious about this process and the deadlines imposed, but where I would tend to get it done and over with as quickly as possible, it is just one of the many ways we are polar opposites. It’s also a huge reason I do not push; we do not need to have an emotional altercation because of differences in temperament.

Whatever stress-induced panic M goes through with this physical and CDL renewal it will be fine in the end. He gets that he is getting on my nerves with this self-created drama, and I also get that my manner of dealing with it tends to bug him as well. This is just how he processes all these things and how I react to it. But it’s exhausting for both of us in different ways.

Plus its the first day of a full, 5 day work week, and Memorial day – the next holiday weekend in my little firm – is almost 5 full months away. I am going through holiday withdrawal.

2 thoughts on “Wandering the negative forest

  1. Stress always has a way to seep into our lives, huh?
    Sometimes it’s important to resolve ourselves to the fact that sometimes we just have to go through things.

    Tomorrow will come šŸ™‚

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