Exercise, fitness – do I have an end game?

I started thinking about this writing my latest entry to my Fall Fitness 2015 series. With 17 hours of personal training left in my initial investment, what is my overall goal/plan for this purchase?

Originally, I thought it was to learn how to safely and sanely perform strength training exercises. That is still the foundation of everything I do with and learn from trainer J and will not change no matter if it’s 20 or 20,000 personal training sessions.

However, what happens when he concludes teaching me the basic movements? Am I now done, free to move about the club with confidence that I know what I am doing and how not to hurt myself? Yes, that will likely be mostly true, but it presently seems unlikely. Even if he had enough hours to show me how to use every single piece of equipment in the club, I feel like knowing how to use it and the when and why to use it most efficiently and effectively will take a lot more time and education.

By the end of this series, I will know a lot more than I know right now. In the weeks I have been training under J’s watchful eye I have learned a lot and made significant progress in what I knew then, what I know now. The ongoing quandary is what do I wish to do with the knowledge I gain, and will I have gained enough to carry me through and across the goal line? Most importantly – where is and what is the goal line? Do I even have a clue as to my end game here?

Obviously I want to continue to progress, but I have no clear direction in this regard, no yellow brick road to follow. Sure, I want to burn fat and reveal toned muscle – doesn’t everyone? Let’s assume I am successful, and svelt Janelle presents herself to a brave new world. What happens next? Does svelt me continue to do the same basic things into infinity to maintain the pretty muscle I eventually (hopefully) reveal? (Please note that I have to believe pretty muscle is lying dormant and waiting to be toned and strengthened and revealed to the world; this alone is a huge change for me.)

I am starting to realize and accept that I want more. I want to be stronger, most definitely. I want functional (and pretty!) muscles, functional (plus pretty, graceful, and feminine!) strength, not just to be big and bulky and pining for a gold lamé bikini so I can pretend to compete at senior citizen body building competitions. (OMG – the visual that appeared in my imagination with that sentence about made me choke with laughter.)

Before I thought I just wanted to be healthy weight, healthy-health, stronger bones, and the flexibility to move gracefully into older and wiser years. Now I feel that maybe there is more out there for me from all this. I am starting to dream of being truly fit, beginning to desire the confidence that comes from knowing my own physical strength and perhaps pushing it to another incremental level (but still look feminine, with more ass-kicking potential).

Maybe I do want the silver lamé bikini (goes better with my hair and skin coloring), fake-bake skin, and cheesey poses on a stage somewhere with other mature, very fit, very powerful-looking ladies.

That seems so far and deep in a hazy future that I am almost afraid to articulate it out loud. Plus I am not sure about how to achieve it, if I want to actually elevate it to goal status or simply tuck it into the back of my mind and disguise it under more modest waypoints in that general direction. Anyone out there know what I’m talking about? Any advice about how to get started tip-toeing in the general direction?

I am going to continue my ponderings and think this through more completely before bringing it up with trainer J; he might actually take me seriously and start working me harder to make it happen. I suspect under that mild mannered, patient coach and trainer facade lies a very disciplined, hard-driving task master just waiting to happen. Either that or I am terrified of my own ambitious ideas.

8 thoughts on “Exercise, fitness – do I have an end game?

  1. Don’t forget to make “duck faces” with your “fake bake” skin… 😉 hahaha!! As for how to start, you need to find an exercise you *LOVE* & roll with it! Good luck! xox

  2. Pretty muscles – I am with you! This is something I have been pondering for awhile and my answer is starting to crystalize. First it was lose weight/get healthier with the diabetes. And then it started working. I could feel the results and others could see them. And I have kept moving into smaller sizes. During this time I have stayed honest with my trainer – who does push me – when the exercise became too simple/weights too light/etc. And the hard workouts started feeling good afterwards – not leaving me painfully sore. And he pushed me some more. D has been great in that he doesn’t care what I think my limits are – cause if he did I wouldn’t be where I am today. He knows how to challenge me and push me to the next level when I don’t think I can. It works because I have complete trust in him – more than I do in my own judgement on these matters and defer to the expert.

    I have always wanted to be this athletic person who just did things – biked, hiked, etc without worry about could I find gear in my size, how did I look, was it too hard, etc. And that I think is my goal – to be comfortable in my body while out doing physical things. Trusting that the body has the strength, balance, endurance to allow me that freedom. I’m at the point where I want to go workout and am comfortable doing so. I suspect I will need/want to use D for a long time – to help me develop to the level I want and keep pushing me. I wish I could do this all on my own – and perhaps one day I will – but for the foreseeable future D’s a line item in my budget.

    Whether he realized it or not – D paid me a huge complement at the gym the other day I had some new workout gear and on and he said I looked like an athlete – and pointed out the muscles, etc.
    Of course the benefit of all of this is that I look better, health is improving, new clothes – but mostly I am getting comfortable in my body and gaining faith in it.

    So here is my secret ultimate goal: I want to be half – half the weight I was at the peak of my health crises. I want to look good at that weight – good enough to get the fake tan and put on the gold bikini (btw – how did you get in my head and know I was thinking that???) – whether I actually do or not. I may reach the look and feel of my body that I want before I lose that much – I may need to lose more – but I finally can envision how I want to feel and look and that is the goal.

    Hmmm….pretty long winded and not sure it is helpful but I’ll end with this. Ultimately I don’t want this to be just about achieving and maintaining a look. I want to transform myself into someone who enjoys more physical pursuits and is comfortable going to they gym/yoga/whatever to keep myself in the condition to do that. Smoking hot will just be a wonderful side benefit! 😉

    I’m sure this will all continue to evolve as I continue the journey and I learn what I am really capable of. And I think that is good. Six months ago I would have said where I am today is beyond my goals. Now I feel like have passed the halfway mark and need/want to keep going.

    • OMG OMG OMG!!! SAK, you have completely outdone yourself in this comment, solidifying what I’m sort of mozying up to and starting to think about what *MIGHT* be possible for me. There’s definitely going to be more on this topic well into the future, but I have been trying to figure out how to break the news to trainer J that he’s probably stuck with me for quite awhile into the future.
      You go out in the gold bikini, I’ve got my eye on a silver one. We’ll fake-bake together and work on our expressions and poses. Imagine that fun!

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