For several weeks now I have been making progress on my overall health and fitness by doing things that are good for my body. Training with J, practicing the movements he has demonstrated and taught me, regular yoga practice, rowing and walking almost daily, doing better with three daily meals and not snacking, counting carbs – all good and great things that will ultimately improve my health.
Then why is it so hard to wake up each day and just do it?
Right now I feel exhausted, so that will be my reason for today. I had a scary night with a blood sugar drop and was awake an hour in the middle of the night, so getting up on time, exercising, and diving into work was a challenge. Especially since I was due to be out and about and client sites all day long.
I am looking forward to being away and on vacation. I know there will be phone calls, emails, texts, and I know I will find the time to answer, return, and respond. Probably I will be reading and working in the evenings. That is, unfortunately, how I roll right now.
time to do myself do the bands routines trainer J has created for me. I am starting to realize the weakness in my core muscles contributes significantly to a lot of my issues, those that my mind is not busy manufacturing, anyway. With that thought floating around, I sat down to row and tried inserting more energy and the speed bursts J had shown me into my routine rowing. When the 30 minute timer ran down I was a sweaty, dripping, semi-pissed off mess. I mean, I just had my hair done last night and now I had thoroughly drenched it with sweat and could not go out without washing it.
The whispers about stopping were coming on strong. I finished the row and the bands exercises, I start vacation tomorrow, why not just take the week off. After all, I deserve it. I am tired. I hate being sweaty. I am on vacation. It is “only” 6 days with travel. I can recover. No one will ever know. And on and on and on they droned. Since I had already finished my work out for the day, I ignored them. But I have yoga on my calendar tonight, and so they are still murmering in the background. I am feeling crappy sorry for myself and not telling them to shut the f–k up as I should. That is yet another battle with resolve.
Then there is the bed issue and discussions with M.
Our bed is 4 years old and it is a foam mattress. When we bought it, the difference between it and our former mattress was night and day. Unfortunately it has started breaking down, and the pains in my hips and lower back are starting again and M has been much less comfortable for an even longer period. I have tried contacting the firm where we bought it about the warranty – out of business. I tried calling the manufacturer – also out of business. It feels as if we may be out of luck.
Sunday we saw a Reverie bed at Costco. It is love – for both of us. But justifying the cost is a difficult task right now. I just began my business. I have an abundance of work right now, but is it sustainable for the longer haul? We have money in savings, but I keep the bulk of our available cash in savings because it makes us stop and really think about big-ticket purchases, and this is most definitely a big-ticket purchase. If it were just me, I would be inclined to just buy it, yet how much of that is my present discomfort and how much is solid, rational thinking is debatable. M is far more cautious and deliberate in his contemplation, so we are still discussing it. My resolve to be reasonable and listen and address his concerns and ideas is wavering. I hate waking up with the stiffness of sleeping in our once glorious bed, and when I am feeling stressed I am much less inclined to not act like a spoiled and willful child who wants what she wants.
So I am having a battle of wills with myself today. Sometimes I surely hate being a grown-up.