I frequently begin a blog posts while enjoying my post-exercise protein shake and save them to review and finish later in the day. Only later in the day comes and something else is consuming my attention, so the draft languishes.
This morning I took a peek through there to see what was started and abandoned. Most of it was about work or fitness or money-related issues that I either forgot about starting or became irrelevant as time passed. A few are really raw posts where I was venting and exploring my emotions and feelings in a safe and sane way. Many are funny, some are sad, a few are happy moments captured in words. There are a handful describing work frustrations and the growing pains associated with learning to be self-employed and a consultant.
It was a nice peek at the slice of my unpublished life the last several months.
I have been thinking about the blog and where I am going with it. This must be a week for goals, because this blog has always seemed to lack any particular direction or focus. In the great big picture, mine is a small life and small journey when compared to others leading big, bodacious, rocking-out-loud public lives. And I am perfectly content with that, because I have learned/am learning that comparing myself and my journey to anyone else is a big component of depression and angst. I love to see other people happy and thriving in their individual pursuits. Being an observer and participant in their adventures brings a range of emotions, all good for me to experience and to feel and a direct aid in my own growth. This is truly part of who I am and a component of what I require to be content on my own pathway.
I do not anticipate any major changes here. I will not try to commercialize. However, I have found that having goals and post reporting themes as a personal accountability tool is a huge motivator for me. Maybe I don’t want to write about my major goal fail or that I am so unmotivated by everything, but I have this commitment to a series about my personal training sessions so I had better suck it up and deal. In my mind I am thinking about a little more structure that fits my current health and fitness focus.
Once my fall fitness wraps up next month, I suspect I will turn to reporting on my sessions with trainer J each Monday and Thursday. It has been extremely helpful for me to catalog my fitness journey, and reviewing it this week I can clearly see my evolution from exercise hater, enjoying the training time but fearful and anxious about gym time to complete the weekly homework, to the growth of my relationship/interaction with J and being extraordinarily committed to my gym time practice. Perhaps the day will arrive when I surprise myself and report how much I love exercise, but I am feel far, far away from that point right now. And that’s perfectly okay. I do not have to love it, I just have to do it.
Work is also an ongoing theme, and my family and friends. G and K have wedding planning in progress, with a clearly defined plan for home buying after that. Big, exciting changes in the works. C and A are busy with their lives as well, and it feels as if we do not see enough of them yet the interaction is just right. Part of that is simply our nature as a family community – if we want or need something we express it and make it happen. Is it a sign of a full and satisfying life that I have never felt the need to know exactly what is happening and be a part of my kids’ day-to-day lives? I suppose it depends upon who you ask. Many I know and must interact with regularly are still in the trenches of raising children, so knowing where their kids are, what they are doing, and who they are with 24/7 is part of responsible parenting. However, I have reasons to fear that those some hands-on parents will be disappointed and left with a huge void once the kids are grown and out on their own and do not need or want mom and dad participating in every big or small decision in their adult lives.
There is always going to be a component of family/friend joys and sorrows woven into this blog. It is too big a piece of my life to be left off.
Money management and finance? Honestly there are zillions of other bloggers out there who do a fine job articulating the ins and outs of living within your means and budgeting, saving, investing, getting out of debt, etc. Ours is a pretty simple life, finances pretty much on autopilot. We are not especially frugal people either, because right now my time is as valuable as the money I might saving chasing down deals. We are not particularly frugal people and right now, living within to below our means suggests we do not have to be especially frugal.
Thinking about this stuff, I have had no epiphanies or dramatic breakthroughs. The blog will continue in it’s own random manner, and that’s a very good thing. I would miss this outlet for reporting hamster wheel manner in which my thoughts and ideas churn.
Sometimes it’s just nice to spend part of a Saturday morning downloading my thoughts.
Happy weekending everyone!