Our Christmas was extremely low-key with out of town friends visiting and many other friends unexpectedly stopping by to say hello and stay to chat awhile. We went for a walk in the morning, cooked and had a Christmas lunch/dinner affair mid afternoon and snacked and ate desserts and sugar with visiting friends and neighbors the rest of the evening.
I can certainly think of many worse ways to spend the holiday.
Today M ran our friends to the airport – they off to see other family and friends up and down the coast – while I went to the gym and tried to remember what I was supposed to be doing through the haze of holiday food fog. It sounds worse than it actually was; once I got going things just fell into place.
Tonight we’re meeting the kids and K’s mother and sister for dinner, and tomorrow I get more serious about curbing my eating impulses. The exercise seems to be a solid habit now; it is beyond time to turn my attention to updating my diet and eating habits.
James’ funeral was Thursday and it went pretty well. I was wrecked before and after, but stood up straight and presented my ecology in fine style. M, my kids and their partners, even our visiting guests all attended and told me I did a remarkable job. The service and after funeral reception were both just lovely affairs and it was a fine send-off. But if I never have to attend 3 funerals in a single month again in my lifetime I will be thankful.
M and I are likely wading out into the post-Christmas crazy to get some kitty treats and kitty food, because those fluff buckets get cranky when we do not feed them on time and that seems to include treats. I have grand plans to do some household clean-up and organizing, but in all honesty it may not happen until next weekend. Between the emotional week and Christmas I am exhausted. While it seems like I did an okay job on managing expectations for this holiday, my fatigue and energy level says lying low is probably a better idea.
Hopefully my brain will thaw out and I’ll have more to talk about and share next week. But right now, it feels as if I have little of substance to share. Mostly I feel tired and sad and wishing for … something. If I even had a clue as to what I wanted right now I could be considering a plan to make it happen. Instead, I have no real ideas right now and just want to sit here and stare vacuously out into space.
Grief is crippling; it’s turned my brain and my motivation into a pile of mush.