Saturday

Our Christmas was extremely low-key with out of town friends visiting and many other friends unexpectedly stopping by to say hello and stay to chat awhile. We went for a walk in the morning, cooked and had a Christmas lunch/dinner affair mid afternoon and snacked and ate desserts and sugar with visiting friends and neighbors the rest of the evening.

I can certainly think of many worse ways to spend the holiday.

Today M ran our friends to the airport – they off to see other family and friends up and down the coast – while I went to the gym and tried to remember what I was supposed to be doing through the haze of holiday food fog. It sounds worse than it actually was; once I got going things just fell into place.

Tonight we’re meeting the kids and K’s mother and sister for dinner, and tomorrow I get more serious about curbing my eating impulses. The exercise seems to be a solid habit now; it is beyond time to turn my attention to updating my diet and eating habits.

James’ funeral was Thursday and it went pretty well. I was wrecked before and after, but stood up straight and presented my ecology in fine style. M, my kids and their partners, even our visiting guests all attended and told me I did a remarkable job. The service and after funeral reception were both just lovely affairs and it was a fine send-off. But if I never have to attend 3 funerals in a single month again in my lifetime I will be thankful.

M and I are likely wading out into the post-Christmas crazy to get some kitty treats and kitty food, because those fluff buckets get cranky when we do not feed them on time and that seems to include treats. I have grand plans to do some household clean-up and organizing, but in all honesty it may not happen until next weekend. Between the emotional week and Christmas I am exhausted. While it seems like I did an okay job on managing expectations for this holiday, my fatigue and energy level says lying low is probably a better idea.

Hopefully my brain will thaw out and I’ll have more to talk about and share next week. But right now, it feels as if I have little of substance to share. Mostly I feel tired and sad and wishing for … something. If I even had a clue as to what I wanted right now I could be considering a plan to make it happen. Instead, I have no real ideas right now and just want to sit here and stare vacuously out into space.

Grief is crippling; it’s turned my brain and my motivation into a pile of mush.

2 thoughts on “Saturday

  1. I am glad you got through the week and I hope you are taking some time to rest. Three funerals in a year is tough – in a month – just overwhelming. I am glad you were able to get through the eulogy – James would be very proud of you. Sounds like a good low key Christmas though – which I think was a theme for many of us this year. Take it easy this week as you get your energy back – the clean-up/organizing can wait a little longer. Amazing how quickly small fluffy creatures dependent on us end up setting the rules. They train us well! 😉

    This was my first Christmas alone in over a decade (maybe 2) – and it went pretty well. Made a nice breakfast, opened my gifts over coffee (friends were so lovely this year – they always are of course – but this year even more so) and had a lovely lunch out with a friend. The evening – as many are – was rough and more calories were consumed (especially carbs) than advisable. But I worked out every day but Christmas. And I am back to focusing on eating- my weight has plateaued again – at 199 – so great for under 200 but now it is time to start going lower. I may start tracking my food again with My Fitness Pal. Helps me pay attention to what I am eating.

    Have a lovely and restful Sunday!

    • I think cresting that below 200 plateau is amazing and worthy of celebration. That said, I’m right there with you on the food tracking. I hate it, but I’m starting to feel like it is necessary to not only meal plan but track eating and calories. There is no way I want to be back on insulin or injectable meds for the diabetes, but the holidays have hammered me with all the social and stressure eating.

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