Super Sunday

I do not follow football, so I actually have no idea when the big game is actually to take place. But I know it must be soon, with all the soda, beer, and snacks lining the entrances to every store I enter these days. So sorry, this post has nothing to do with the Super…

The recovery road

I woke up this morning and about had a panic attack. My phone said 4:45, and I in my half-tablet valium drugged sleep I had either turned off my 4:30 alarm or simply forgot to set it and I have a 6:15 appointment with J and was now off to a late start. Shooting out…

Saturday choring

My to-do list looks like a typical Saturday, with gym practice and laundry and household chores and grocery shopping on it. But it feels much longer today because I feel one of my periodic cleaning and decluttering frenzies brewing. M had better stay out of my way or may find himself in the donation bin…

Sleep, the great emotional equalizer

Since my mental and emotional states are not at their fighting depths, I went to see my former, non-Kaiser primary doc this morning to talk about a very short-term prescription aid to help calm my racing thoughts and allow me to get some sleep. This doc has known and treated me for several years, well enough…

Money-related stuff

I am in the midst of waiting for brokerage statements to finish our personal taxes. Yep, with some trepidation I am attempting to do them myself again this year. For whatever reason they seem a lot more complicated in this transition from most of our income from a full-time, permanent, salary-and-benefits job to the bulk…

So … something

The morning after a terrifying event and I am so ... something all smooshed together. So grateful. So angry. So afraid. So upset. So ashamed. Emotional me is like a waterfall cascade of different thoughts and feelings rushing along and over the edge in an endless loop. I really want it miles and miles behind…

When bad things happen

I was ... something terrifying ... today. Physically I was unharmed. Mentally, emotionally? Time will tell, I suppose. Today is Thursday, which means 4 or 5 hours at my former full-time, winding down part-time contract job and office after training with J. Everyone was out in the field today, though, so much of my time there…

Training #8 – Review day

Back to our regularly scheduled programming of training with J on Thursday mornings. It has been an uneven week, lots of peaking peaks and exploration of valley floors as far as my mood and emotions scale. Despite the slides down, my outlook feels far more upbeat and positive, particularly toward the gym and it's offerings.…

In today’s trenches

This morning I was pondering how normal my days have been this week. No big issues, no major drama, and no eye rolls or freak-out meltdowns. Everyone in my world seems in good health and spirits, and most of my most pressing problem was what to wear to work today. It's Wednesday, so it's dress-like-an-adult…