My young friend just got engaged and shared the happy news with me/us last night. I am delighted and happy for her, because her fiance is a good and honorable man and they are a wonderful couple.
This morning she asked me to be her matron of honor, C to be her bridesmaid, because they are planning a small, simple wedding and will each have two attendants (groom has two brothers). I am really moved that she asked this of me, yet I am hesitant. I feel a little torn that she does not feel closer to one of her other friends or even former roommates to choose someone closer to her own age. Is that weird? It is akin to her asking her mother to do the honors rather than be honored as mother of the bride.
Not that I am her mother or have ever tried to take on that role with her. When we met she was a couch-surfing 15 year old struggling to survive on her own outside the notice and constraints of child protective services. She got her GED and supporting herself in an apartment with roommates at 16 (she is now 24). Through the years our friendship has deepened and we have helped her a little with some gifts of cash or food or clothing as well as safe harbor when she needed it. Never has she even tried to take advantage of our kindness, and she is a core member of my tribe, as I refer to my by-choice family members.
My daughter and G’s fiance think I’m being silly about this, that my age does not matter and that our relationship and closeness is the primary determining factor. But even M wonders if I am a bit long in the tooth to be an attendant at a regular wedding that is not one of our peers getting married a second (or third or fourth) time. M is not a big wedding fan in general, so I mostly get his point.
Age does not matter, I know. And I am going to agree because I love my young friend and if this is what she truly wants, I can do my part and purchase a one-time-only dress for the occasion. But it just feels a little weird.