Too matronly to be a matron of honor?

My young friend just got engaged and shared the happy news with me/us last night. I am delighted and happy for her, because her fiance is a good and honorable man and they are a wonderful couple.

This morning she asked me to be her matron of honor, C to be her bridesmaid, because they are planning a small, simple wedding and will each have two attendants (groom has two brothers). I am really moved that she asked this of me, yet I am hesitant. I feel a little torn that she does not feel closer to one of her other friends or even former roommates to choose someone closer to her own age. Is that weird? It is akin to her asking her mother to do the honors rather than be honored as mother of the bride.

Not that I am her mother or have ever tried to take on that role with her. When we met she was a couch-surfing 15 year old struggling to survive on her own outside the notice and constraints of child protective services. She got her GED and supporting herself in an apartment with roommates at 16 (she is now 24). Through the years our friendship has deepened and we have helped her a little with some gifts of cash or food or clothing as well as safe harbor when she needed it. Never has she even tried to take advantage of our kindness, and she is a core member of my tribe, as I refer to my by-choice family members.

My daughter and G’s fiance think I’m being silly about this, that my age does not matter and that our relationship and closeness is the primary determining factor. But even M wonders if I am a bit long in the tooth to be an attendant at a regular wedding that is not one of our peers getting married a second (or third or fourth) time. M is not a big wedding fan in general, so I mostly get his point.

Age does not matter, I know. And I am going to agree because I love my young friend and if this is what she truly wants, I can do my part and purchase a one-time-only dress for the occasion. But it just feels a little weird.

11 thoughts on “Too matronly to be a matron of honor?

  1. Hi Janelle hall the best to you and m and g c a and and your friend for the new year if I may please take largesse and quote you last two paragraphs

    “My daughter and G’s fiance think I’m being silly about this, that my age does not matter and that our relationship and closeness is the primary determining factor. But even M wonders if I am a bit long in the tooth to be an attendant at a regular wedding that is not one of our peers getting married a second (or third or fourth) time. M is not a big wedding fan in general, so I mostly get his point.

    Age does not matter, I know. And I am going to agree because I love my young friend and if this is what she truly wants, I can do my part and purchase a one-time-only dress for the occasion. But it just feels a little weird.”

    I glad that g and c think your ring a it silly but I can understand your hesitation due to a constraint of closeness and your relationship with your young friend. for a brief moment I would ask that you put m’s input aside and ask you self what is the most selfless thing you could provide out of a deep defining love for your friend. At 24 she sees you as a friend that will ride her waves and surf alongside her in her journey as she navigates this messy thing called life, just as you did with friend that passed recently I think it is a honor to have that baton passed as a journeyman In that your there for through all she sees as special and important. I know it may feel weird but I although I can’t guarantee this I am certain you wouldn’t pass this up if super bowl was happening on the same day.

    I am certain though you will be beeming with all the love and pride that a friend does when celebrations are shared.

    Lastly the though I won’t be decisive about the inertness you may feel bat rather say that once in the event you will be more than fine.

    Proud of you and your friend

  2. Hi Janelle all the best to you and m and g c a k and and your friend for the new year if I may please take largesse and quote you last two paragraphs

    “My daughter and G’s fiance think I’m being silly about this, that my age does not matter and that our relationship and closeness is the primary determining factor. But even M wonders if I am a bit long in the tooth to be an attendant at a regular wedding that is not one of our peers getting married a second (or third or fourth) time. M is not a big wedding fan in general, so I mostly get his point.

    Age does not matter, I know. And I am going to agree because I love my young friend and if this is what she truly wants, I can do my part and purchase a one-time-only dress for the occasion. But it just feels a little weird.”

    I glad that g and c think your being a it silly, but I can understand your hesitation due to a constraint of closeness and your relationship with your young friend. for a brief moment I would ask that you put m’s input aside and ask you self what is the most selfless thing you could provide out of a deep defining love for your friend. At 24 she sees you as a friend that will ride her waves and surf alongside her in her journey as she navigates this messy thing called life, just as you did with you friend that passed recently. I think it is a honor , to have that baton passed as a journeyman through life, In that your there through all she sees as special and important. I know it may feel weird but I although I can’t guarantee this , I am certain you wouldn’t pass this up if super bowl was happening on the same day.

    I am certain though you will be beeming with all the love and pride that a friend does when celebrations are shared
    Proud of you and your friend

  3. Glad you are going to do it! Weddings should be about those that you love and that love and support you. My side of my wedding party was unusual – best man, older close female friend and one more traditional bridesmaid. They were picked because of the role they played in my life then and their importance! BTW – go for a dress you can wear again – unless she is having a crazy formal wedding. Hmmmm…what size are you – we should figure out a clothes swap!!! Or shoes at least! 😉

    • She’s thinking normal street clothes kind of wedding, so whatever we choose it will be a wear again type outfit. Since she’s going to December, it’s going to be red or green … or both! As for dress size, I’m hoping to be a 10 by then, because I’m presently sitting at 14 depending on the cut. I had to order the dress for G & K’s wedding – they ones she had in stock were sold by the time I got back on Sunday – but she was able to locate a 12 and 14 in the dark teal for me at the $55 price. They should be delivered next week. Exciting times, for sure!

  4. I think it’s a great honor she asked you! I would much rather have someone stand by my side who I trust, admire, & love than someone closer in age. I bet you feel quite honored that she thinks of you in the nature. Embrace the non-traditional aspects of her wedding – I think it makes it all the more memorable & special 🙂

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