Letting go

After last night’s debacle with my friend, I had a really good, restful sleep and woke up feeling so much better. Work stressure is always going to be with me – it’s January, so I am as prepared as a person can be whose work life every January is going to evolve into a headache waiting to happen – and the rest of it will sort itself out as I plan and schedule more efficiently.

I work up with resolve that it’s time to let go of this particular friendship. The group of friends I referenced in last night’s post are from my kids’ high school days, other single mothers at the time I clicked with and stayed close to after our children graduated and moved on and into independent lives. While I was not a single parent, M and I were separated during that period and he was driving and away from home most of the time. The friendships were good and for years we have continued to get together every month or so for a meal and laughter. We have celebrated and mourned together through the years.

But last night was just the final action in a friendship that has grown too heavy with need. I really want her to be happy, to get the help she needs, yet her actions do not, have not reflected someone who is taking steps to care for herself. She is truly emotionally stuck and seems to be growing comfortable being in the same emotional place. I accept I cannot understanding the shock, hurt, anger, and trust broken of her H’s betrayal; all the more reason she needs a professional therapist to talk it through with rather than burdening her few close friends who struggle to continue to stand by her. Essentially, she needs more than I will ever be comfortable trying to provide.

I am still very angry with her, so maintaining my distance and not communicating with her is the best course of action right now. But at some point – probably this weekend – I will have to either talk with her or send an email and let her know my feelings. After that, I will be cordial but distant in any contact she may initiate while not answering my phone if she should call. Whatever the other 3 ladies in our group decide to do is their business, and I will not try to influence them one way or the other.

For me this is the best course, to wish her well and let go. To my surprise I am mostly relieved to have made the decision. Usually I am so torn up when I consciously decide to let go of friendships, but this time I recognize that it’s far healthier for both of us to simply part ways while we are still friends.

Maybe I am finally getting this growing up thing.

2 thoughts on “Letting go

  1. I agree with you. She is overstepping her friendship with you (and the others) to extreme. You having to deal with this daily is just too much and to threaten to harm herself and then be mad when a welfare check is done on her is a sign of serious problems. I hope she can get the help she needs, but at this point, after almost a year since the break up with her husband, there isn’t really any more you can do to help her through this. Even though hard, I think I would at least send her an email explaining why you are distancing yourself. She really needs a kick in the butt to pull herself up by her bootstraps and get on with her life! I can certainly understand a few months of mourning/extreme anger, etc, time, but he just dissolved their marriage, he didn’t ruin her life. Move on. It kind of sounds like she needs a new therapist, because the one she has isn’t helping, that’s for sure.

    • Thanks, OneFamily. Honestly, a big part of the reason I blog is to hear other perspectives and gain support of food for thought. I have to cut ties because it’s becoming a toxic and harmful relationship, only I cannot do it right now because I’m so very angry. Tomorrow, this weekend, when I am (hopefully) calmer.

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