My friend James who died last month … he lingers. I swear, he lingers. And it makes me so sad to know I will never get another email or hear his voice again. I cannot look at old emails or cards or pictures and not cry.

Two weeks ago his nephew stopped by with some estate paperwork and bequest checks as well as a few bottle’s of James’ personal scotch stash. Nephew is a recovering alcoholic yet felt terribly uncomfortable pouring it down the drain, so he very kindly asked me to keep it or gift it to someone I thought would enjoy it. It has been sitting on the sideboard in my kitchen nook since. Every time I look at it I feel so sad and start crying yet again. I thought having it would be comforting somehow, yet it only serves to remind me again and again of my friend. He had a fantastically long and enjoyable life, but I miss him so much. I was so unprepared for him to die so suddenly.

So I have made arrangements to rehome these lovely bottles, and now they are sitting in bags in my car to be delivered this weekend. Funny, but I already feel better knowing that someone else will be sipping and enjoying this soon. I took this picture to memorialize the occasion, because perhaps later this year, or this time next year, I might want to remember what it was and how it looked in my kitchen.

I miss my friend.

01/15/2016 – James’ private stash.


4 thoughts on “Saying goodbye never seems to end

  1. It never does seem to end. My DH’s best friend died of cancer almost 5 years ago now and there are still things that come up to remind us. His (now) teenage daughter just sent DH an email, she was thinking of her dad and because she was only about 11 at the time, she is having trouble remembering a lot about him.

    1. Oh man … it’s so hard, and I so feel for that poor girl. Mine is a new, fresh loss, so I get that I’m sad for good reasons. But it just seems like now the reminders I apparently took for granted are everywhere and haunting me.

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