M has to call in for jury duty tonight. Hopefully it will just turn out to be call-in service and he will not end up serving as I did this summer. Looking back, I must have been in a really frustrated frame of mind with work to choose jury duty over work. I have a legitimate, acceptable excuse – I am the sole source of income for our household and my firm does not pay for jury service. But I needed a break, so I worked from home nights and evenings on and did my jury service. That was also when I started taking a really hard, critical, numbers-based look at self-employment and supporting us on the side jobs I was already performing.
As they say, the rest is history.
I did end up rescheduling training this morning, but it has turned out to be a serediptious occasion, as J was also needed to substitute train a group class that overlaps our session every Thursday morning. And no practice for me this morning; I needed the extra sleep and have a very full schedule today running from 8:30 this morning until about 6 p.m. tonight, after which I will head to the gym.
For various reasons, I am actually quite excited about the next few days. Today because I will be in meetings pretty much all day (kind of dreadful) and will get overloaded with work (good to be busy). Tomorrow I have training with J and then no other meetings scheduled. This weekend I have a lot of work to do plow through, work I particularly like, though, so time passes quickly. M is helping friends move tomorrow and Saturday, which makes him much nicer person and better friend than I am, because I hate moving. I will happily volunteer to clean house before and after, but I hate the packing, then the loading, driving, and unloading process involved with a move. I will happily volunteer to babysit, clean house before and after the move, but I hate the actual process of moving stuff to and fro.
This afternoon I have an appointment with my therapist to begin working on my self image. In my rational moments I recognize and appreciate my positive attributes, but too many moments of irrational gutting of self happen. The implications and reach of regular exercise are far greater than is written about or discussed, at least for me. While guilt is still very much present when I do not go to the gym, I also simply look forward to the practice time doing whatever I am doing that day. The balance of frustration to satisfaction has finally tipped, and most of the time anymore I walk away feeling tired and good about my effort rather than shredded with shame, frustration, bad feelings. Hopefully my therapy doc can help me capitalize on what exercise is teaching me and expand it to other/all areas of my life and thinking.
In the shower this morning I was pondering about all I have scheduled today and how much more stressful it would be if I did this type of thing most days. I am interviewing candidates to take over much of the day-to-day tasks at my former full-time job, and I’m hopeful the resumes the local owner selected are more impressive in person. We have to do this today because he has not told the admin that they are hiring someone else who will become her supervisor. I am flexing my mean girl bone in that I am sort of relishing how much that will rankle my admin. While I can understand her frustration at not getting moved into a higher-level role, I can also clearly see why the owners want her status quo to remain. Her priority is her family and being that supermom who is a room mom for both her kids and serves on school committees and coaches or is team mom for everything for her children. No one at the firm has an issue with that, yet getting her to see it realistically from their perspective and past her own ego has proved an impossible task for me. However, as business owners the bosses are entitled to seek out someone who will treat their job as enough of a priority to give it their full attention while on the clock versus something they do like its a secondary hobby in their life.
I am feeling very lucky and blessed this morning, looking forward to a brutally busy day ahead yet feeling as prepared for it as I can possibly be makes me so happy. Plus getting to sleep in until 6? Priceless.
Off to my next meeting. Happy Thursday everyone!