In other news

What I anticipated might be another wild west Tuesday is shaping up to be quiet and productive day. I had a couple of early conference calls this morning, caught up on emails and returned phone calls, and all the little loose ends that needed to be tied up and completed.

I love days like this where nothing is pressing, no deadlines looming, everything is caught up. Now that January is winding down with it’s hurry-hurry-rush-rush deadlines and requests from CPAs for taxes and employee for tax forms, it’s nice to be able to not have a long to-do list hanging over my head and following me into the weekend. Maybe I will simply relax this afternoon and remind myself that self-employment cycles do have the occasional upside.

My former full-time job should be winding down soon. I hope. I keep saying that, yet nice me keeps showing up and agreeing to stay a little longer, a little longer. Right now we/they are in the midst of interviews for replacement staff and its uncomfortable to say the least with the admin. She’s understandably upset, but as I told her yesterday, the decision to tell her a replacement was being recruited no longer rests with me. The out of state owner has bluntly told her that she would not be taking over when I finally am able to leave, but again, denial is a powerful thing.

So Mondays come with some drama. Thursdays she is volunteering at her kids’ school and I do not have to listen to her litany of bitches and complaints about all she dislikes about the firm, the owners, her 20+ years of blood, sweat, and tears she has given to that firm, etc., etc., etc.

Being a contractor kind of has its downsides as well.

The replacement bed arrived and has been set-up and installed. M is at jury duty himself today, so I’ve had the house all to myself. My briefcase has been emptied and repacked, my desk is organized and tidy again. Another January is nearly past.

I got all our tax information that has arrived to date input and thus far, we are actually getting a refund, which is good. With the self-employment twist I am always concerned about paying enough in estimated taxes. Worst thing EVER is writing that check to the government to pay taxes each year, but the almost worst things are writing those checks for quarterly estimates. Ugh. Hopefully this year I can just let them keep what they have already collected and have to write one less check this year.

I had a long text chat with a dear friend this morning. Sometimes I think I just need the voice of reasonable common sense replying when I get caught in the whirlwind of negative emotions and criticisms. That sort of thing tends to animate my inner negative girl to bellowing out hateful venom that causes ill will, insecurity, anxiety. Surprisingly I am winning more battles than not with her, when it comes time to our head-to-head battles.

The exercise of self-complimenting has had a curious impact on my thinking and feeling. I cannot shut negative girl up by telling myself good things. But her litany of my shortcomings – the real, the imagined, the exaggerated – currently seem to have less and less power over me. Instead I am thinking about successes with my new career ventures and the happy family events on the calendar this year. Since making the decision to separate from my former full-time job things are lighter in my life. Released from the responsibility of that after nearly 11 years opens up a lot of new ways to think and imagine the future.

It has been a pretty amazing day. Quiet, productive with both work and here at home.

Tonight I am going to the gym to practice my new List and I am ridiculously excited about it. This is my fun recreation for the day, if only because my hamstrings are chattering, have been yammering on and on all day about yoga and stretching and how could you do this to us? Yep, my body parts speak to me … don’t yours? I think this is what J’s doing; he’s taught my limbs to speak. J = the muscle whisperer?