M and I met a childhood friend and her husband for dinner tonight. They live on the east coast but were in Tahoe for a long weekend of skiing, since we finally have some snow. We drove over to meet them, taking the long way around and stopped to goof around in one of M’s favorite places to train.

02/06/2016 – Mt. Rose summit

We walked around on the snowpack and climbed up a bit on the trail. Today I was truly appreciating my gym commitment, particularly the various squat and lunge type exercises. The climbing up and down the snow covered pathways was not the hugely strenuous, painful effort I recall from the last time we did this, and there was also no slipping and no falling down for me, which is a first for me and snow of any sort. It was a fun drive and a nice afternoon to wander around on the cold and fluffy, icy white stuff.

Thanks to everyone for weighing in on my last food post; I appreciate the support and common sense perspectives. Especially after having dinner with this particular pal and having her tell me that the calorie budget seems a little high. *eye roll*

I laugh, shake my head, change the subject, and did thoroughly enjoy my dinner even when the conversation was tense. While she agrees I’m looking very healthy and robust (is that a slam that I’m still not bone skinny?), she fussed a little about my trainer and the training program, expressing concern and asking if a young man is a good fit for an aging woman? M actually spoke up before I had a chance, saying that the programs I have been pursuing are very thorough and very balanced, and that he is very proud of how far I have come in the months I’ve been working at it. But most important to both of us, my trainer seems to “get me” well enough to keep me engaged and practicing consistently. Which opened up the whole overtraining conversation. I did not get snarky or defensive or angry with her, merely reminded her I am a grown woman who is more than capable of utilizing sound judgment on who I take advice from and allow to teach me new skills.

This pal is the poster child of where diet neurosis could lead me if I let it. It’s everything I fear about calorie counting, dieting, weighing and measuring portions, and allowing the scale and measurements into my life as a measure of success or, more likely, an indictment of failure. She is an extreme case, but she was not always like this. Growing up together we ate a lot of junk food and sugar and crap. I married and had a family, divorced, found M. She married a nightmare, divorced, and then became determined to trade up in her second marriage. Her husband is actually a nice guy who does not push her to stay looking a certain way, but he also stays out of her way when it comes to taking care of her body and such. I worry about her, but I also understand the limitations of my influence.

So while it was a really fun day, dinner grew kind of tense there and I am sad about that. I have thought more than once in the last year that we seem to be growing further and further apart, and things she said tonight made me feel that all over again. Mostly I am amused at her concerns, because I absolutely believe I am doing the right things, taking the right steps for me and my health. But when you’re trading poor habits for better ones and working hard to be a better, healthier person in all facts of your life, the last thing you want to hear is questions about whether or not you really are improving at a right pace and pursuing the right sort of goals. I do not expect anyone to support me 100% in every decision and choice I make, but I also don’t know that I need to be undermined so directly.

I am just mulling it over here on the blog. And what I am contemplating and writing about is nothing we have not discussed in text, email, phone of face-to-face conversations many times through the years, so don’t think I am talking smack about her behind her back. She knows how I feel and where I stand.

I think neither of us are sure how to bridge the gap between us, yet we are also not ready to retire such a long-term friendship.

But these are thoughts for another day. It’s getting late and I have Sunday morning gym practice on my schedule. I stopped myself from looking up general calories on a dinner salad, half a piece of steak and some steamed broccoli. My 5 days of food tracking starts Monday and I will force myself to not obsess about it before, during, or after it is concluded.

Hope the rest of you are all enjoying a fabulous weekend.

10 thoughts on “Snow day dinner

  1. Makes me wonder if she isn’t a little jealous. After all you have changed so much and some “friends” don’t like that at all. I think you should remember this day and all the fun you and M had since that is more important than anything. Remember that feeling happy and feeling loved is just as important as every other health change you are making. J is a wonderful instructor and cares deeply about your health. The food nazi well I’m not crazy about since I think your doing great on your own but you are an adult and will make your choices. But even just working with J and changing your food choices on your own you have changed your whole lifestyle.

    I am glad you and M had a great time in the snow today. And as I said before the happiness in thepicture is shining through. I think your whole life is becoming well rounded and you my dear are totally responsible for that

  2. Was your friends plate loaded with jelly?
    The fact that you go to the gym every morning is proof that you are dedicated to your cause.
    Not many women could or would do that.
    I think that sticking to the gym and being aware of what you eat and not documenting in words and
    pictures, this has to pay off for you and you say it has already. Slow and steady wins here.
    The mind can be a terrible playground at times. You need to cut yourself some slack. : )
    If this comment seems wacky it’s due to my lack of sleep.
    Have a great day!

    1. Monica, you’re fine. The mind is a terrible playground sometimes, and mostly I feel a lot of sympathy for my friend and her own demons and daily battles with food and self-image. I always have felt a little sorry for her, yet at the same time she has inadvertently given me the message that I am undisciplined and lack drive to control my own eating and by extension, weight. My coming to terms with my own stuff is more than likely what is breeding the conflict right now. This too shall pass.

      1. undisciplined and lack drive? You? you are so not that! I couldn’t get up and get to the gym like you do. You are doing amazing. Obviously you are totally on the right track with your eating, as evident by the fact that you no longer need meds to control your diabetes. And your picture of you and M looks great!

      2. Thanks, OneFamily! It’s my favorite recent picture of us because it’s so us. At this point we’d been out and about in the snow for about 90 minutes, just walking and talking and stopping to talk to others, and I was a 6 foot drop back to the pavement and a 20 foot walk to the car without slipping or falling. When you’re as clumsy as I am normally and then add snow, a no slip, no fall day is a truly amazing event!
        As for discipline … I’m finding that I must reevaluate a lot of my relationships and the basis of them these days. Apparently since I now exercise and am taking control of my health, it impairs many in very negative ways. It’s unfortunate, something I hope we can grow from, but it’s hard to be the one upsetting the status quo for really great personal reasons and have others who have professed to care for and about me become upset. Life gets weirdly complicated. 🙂

    1. Me either! Fortunately I have hordes of other friends who quiz me on my progress – what I’m doing, how my numbers are, what I am liking/hating most in the exercise realm, how that whole eating better is progressing – and cheer my progress and remind me of their own struggles. The weird responses are so shocking to my system I have a hard time believing what is really happening, hence the blogging and trying to sort it out.

  3. First – congrats on the walk in the snow. Isn’t it an amazing feeling to be comfortable with the physical activity? 🙂 Yes your friend is projecting her issues onto you – something I am unfortunately familiar with. With her and your other unsupportive friends – you are upsetting the apple cart by moving out of your assigned role – a role you have no say in and didn’t realize you filled! And it isn’t just the changes they see – but the mental changes you have clearly made to be accomplishing this. I’m glad you have talked with her about it but it is sad that hasn’t resulted in some changes – there is a lot of room between being a cheerleader and detractor – hopefully she can find a more neutral place. And awesome picture of you two!

    1. It’s funny, but in the drive over to Tahoe I was mentally preparing myself for the get together and what was likely to be said, etc. I was buoyed by our discussions about it and what you have experienced and was mentally prepping to NOT be snarky or defensive. M actually surprised me a little by taking such a strong stand with her about the overtraining business – I think he’s tired of hearing me whine about it. *laugh* We have been friends a very long time and live on different coasts and if this does not smooth over at least we only see one another a few times per year.

    2. Oh and the snow? M has really been wanting to go snowshoeing, and heady with the boost of confidence from not falling yesterday I said I might be willing to try it next year. So there is that to consider as well. Snow is not usually my friend, because I unexpectedly find myself sitting sitting a great big pile of it. Perhaps there is hope for me yet. 🙂

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