M and I met a childhood friend and her husband for dinner tonight. They live on the east coast but were in Tahoe for a long weekend of skiing, since we finally have some snow. We drove over to meet them, taking the long way around and stopped to goof around in one of M’s favorite places to train.
We walked around on the snowpack and climbed up a bit on the trail. Today I was truly appreciating my gym commitment, particularly the various squat and lunge type exercises. The climbing up and down the snow covered pathways was not the hugely strenuous, painful effort I recall from the last time we did this, and there was also no slipping and no falling down for me, which is a first for me and snow of any sort. It was a fun drive and a nice afternoon to wander around on the cold and fluffy, icy white stuff.
Thanks to everyone for weighing in on my last food post; I appreciate the support and common sense perspectives. Especially after having dinner with this particular pal and having her tell me that the calorie budget seems a little high. *eye roll*
I laugh, shake my head, change the subject, and did thoroughly enjoy my dinner even when the conversation was tense. While she agrees I’m looking very healthy and robust (is that a slam that I’m still not bone skinny?), she fussed a little about my trainer and the training program, expressing concern and asking if a young man is a good fit for an aging woman? M actually spoke up before I had a chance, saying that the programs I have been pursuing are very thorough and very balanced, and that he is very proud of how far I have come in the months I’ve been working at it. But most important to both of us, my trainer seems to “get me” well enough to keep me engaged and practicing consistently. Which opened up the whole overtraining conversation. I did not get snarky or defensive or angry with her, merely reminded her I am a grown woman who is more than capable of utilizing sound judgment on who I take advice from and allow to teach me new skills.
This pal is the poster child of where diet neurosis could lead me if I let it. It’s everything I fear about calorie counting, dieting, weighing and measuring portions, and allowing the scale and measurements into my life as a measure of success or, more likely, an indictment of failure. She is an extreme case, but she was not always like this. Growing up together we ate a lot of junk food and sugar and crap. I married and had a family, divorced, found M. She married a nightmare, divorced, and then became determined to trade up in her second marriage. Her husband is actually a nice guy who does not push her to stay looking a certain way, but he also stays out of her way when it comes to taking care of her body and such. I worry about her, but I also understand the limitations of my influence.
So while it was a really fun day, dinner grew kind of tense there and I am sad about that. I have thought more than once in the last year that we seem to be growing further and further apart, and things she said tonight made me feel that all over again. Mostly I am amused at her concerns, because I absolutely believe I am doing the right things, taking the right steps for me and my health. But when you’re trading poor habits for better ones and working hard to be a better, healthier person in all facts of your life, the last thing you want to hear is questions about whether or not you really are improving at a right pace and pursuing the right sort of goals. I do not expect anyone to support me 100% in every decision and choice I make, but I also don’t know that I need to be undermined so directly.
I am just mulling it over here on the blog. And what I am contemplating and writing about is nothing we have not discussed in text, email, phone of face-to-face conversations many times through the years, so don’t think I am talking smack about her behind her back. She knows how I feel and where I stand.
I think neither of us are sure how to bridge the gap between us, yet we are also not ready to retire such a long-term friendship.
But these are thoughts for another day. It’s getting late and I have Sunday morning gym practice on my schedule. I stopped myself from looking up general calories on a dinner salad, half a piece of steak and some steamed broccoli. My 5 days of food tracking starts Monday and I will force myself to not obsess about it before, during, or after it is concluded.
Hope the rest of you are all enjoying a fabulous weekend.