I woke up this morning in a panic because my alarm did not go off at 4 as expected. M’s alarm went off at 3:45 and he was in the shower when I straggled to of bed at 4:30, after having a nightmare of J phoning me to ask where I was and why I missed our training appointment, but reassuring me that we could reschedule … for Saturday. I was hugely relieved it was only 4:30, and I asked M if he had heard my alarm. No, he was either in the kitchen or in the shower at 4. I could not believe I had turned it off without waking up enough to realize it.

Then I finally realized it was only Sunday, not Monday, and I have no training appointment today. I am an idiot.

So this is the second time in less than a week that I have scared myself thinking about missed training appointments. What’s up with that? Probably nothing, because I had the same sensation of anxiety yesterday meeting a client for coffee and then meeting my son and his fiance for lunch. Lately I am completely obsessed with the idea of running late for appointments, although I have not been late for anything in recent memory. Normally I don’t worry too much about it – I typically give myself plenty of time to get where I need to be so I am not unduly stressed about it – so maybe my zen is getting too zen for my comfort? Maybe it’s the type A- in me coming to the forefront.

The last few days I have been trying to add some balance back to my life via reading for pleasure and relaxation. My latest projects are Scott Abel books, a fitness professional whose work J introduced to me a few months back. The latest book was geared toward coaches, but there was a lot of information in there for me as a client as well. If nothing else (and there was a lot more), it’s reassuring that I’m not some sort of taxing nutball that sucks the life out of J and RD and anyone/everyone else I talk to about my health improvement endeavors.

RD has suggested I try a plant-based protein powder, so I have several samples to try. Today … OMG, TOTAL BUST! It was like a glass full of vanilla-flavored sawdust, only it was kind of green. Adding some vitamixed strawberries only made it worse. How is it possible for strawberries to taste more like mixed berries? Obviously not the vegan protein powder for me. But I have at 4 or 5 others in the kitchen to try, so I shall persevere.

My experiments with primarily plant-based carbs is now concluded, without significantly discernible results. Clothes fit a little differently and the scale may be down a bit. However, it did make me very cognizant of how much I reach for the sandwich or the bread or the crackers or the pasta dishes. While I have cut back on consumption significantly, I am far from completely off of them. The week of being away from them made me aware of how much of my diet includes these things, and I did eat a lot more fresh fruits and vegetables in the last week. From that regard it was a good and valuable educational experiment.

But … my blood sugar was at 226 this morning. WTF? I ate nothing unusual last night or at anytime yesterday. I exercised yesterday. Yet it’s that high first thing in the morning? Before bed it was 178 – normal since I ate a late dinner. But I can only assume it is because I am stressed and don’t realize it? Noon it was back in the ballpark of normal at 152, but still higher than I like.

It’s one day out of many days over the course of the last several months. I am not going to freak out completely, but I am going to be keeping a closer eye on it for the next few days.

On the other hand, I am also going through and doing a hormone levels measurement test to see how all that happy stuff is doing. It has been nearly 3 years since my hysterectomy (sorry if that’s TMI), and for the most part I feel perfectly fine all the time. No unusual emotional outbursts or waves of feelings, no hot flashes, no wish for complete celibacy. But being in the Kaiser family now means I still have to see a lady health doctor every year, get a mammogram, etc., etc., etc. Seeing her a couple of weeks ago she broached the subject of hormone replacement therapy, which I flatly, adamantly refused. However, my former GP doc is more inclined toward bioidentical hormone matching therapy, and when I was in to get a B12 shot last week I revisited the subject with him. I have tried it, found it did nothing I could actually feel, so I ceased. However, now my health is on the upswing, my exercise and diet a priority, and I am willing to explore the possibilities that it will benefit me more directly than my previous effort. So today I am collecting vials of saliva for measuring hormone levels to see where I am and discuss it further with him in a couple of weeks when the results come in. The science is interesting if nothing else.

Perhaps it is the stress of this process that is sending my blood sugar through the ceiling?

I have a pile of work staring at me from the corner of my desk, and there is will sit until Tuesday. Other than this blog post, I am trying to limit my screen time today. I am reading on my iPad – another Abel book on diet – and pretty much kicking back and relaxing while I process the laundry. I do have other chores to do, but they will still be there in an hour. Tomorrow I have training with J, then a work-from-home day planned with Skype calls the balance of the morning and an appointment to get my car serviced in the afternoon. I plan to use my dealership waiting room time to again continue my just-for-fun reading. Lost month I alone billed 126 hours to my part-time job and another 130 to my self-employment job. Typical is more like 160 to 180 hours for both, so 256 is a lot of hours.

Things will be calmer this month, and I am already taking steps to introduce more balance back into my life. Maybe trying to find my zen is toppling into a crazy brain dreamscape where I am running late for training or worse?

Truly, my first world problems overwhelm these days.

Happy Sunday everyone!


3 thoughts on “Sunday dreaming

  1. I tried a vegan protein powder by Arbonne today. I need a powder that I can just mix with water and go….but that powder was so not it. It tasted chalking and somewhat like drinking sawdust. Gross. If you find a good one please share the name of it here!
    Funny thing…I had a hysterectomy in June 2013. I was so worried it was going to impact my weightlifting ability (the Internet is a dangerous place with too much information..lol)…I am so glad that it didn’t!

    1. Sassy, I’m a fan of Syntha 6, but it’s whey protein. My dietician says there is technically nothing wrong with it, but I think he’s trying to get me to be more open minded to the idea of plant-based foods, etc. For now, I’m still going with my Syntha 6 for pre-workout (I mix it with water and ice in the vitamix and it comes out like chocolate milkshake) and testing the plant protein powders for recovery. I have high hopes for one of the others in my inventory. But if I find something that is not like sawdust, I’ll let you know.

  2. I went into a panic attack for no apparent reason earlier today. I think I am either just tired, tired of the weather or I am worrying in the back of my head and don’t want to think about something. Does that make sense?

    Hope you find a powder that doesn’t taste that bad!

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