The way I am, work, live … a lot of life happens inside my head. The stuff that drives and motivates me is there, and what holds me back or makes me anxious. My brain is a powerful force of good and other stuff.
This month I have been having odd feelings about and issues with my longest enduring private client. We are good friends, family friends after all these years, yet this month he has cancelled 3 standing appointments without realistic explanation and taken days to respond to texts and/or emails. This is weird behavior. We’ve worked together nearly 20 years and I cannot ever recall a time when he has been in the same country and this level of unavailable and uncommunicative. I do not feel the need to identify as an empath or highly intuitive or even all that smart to understand there is something going on with him that likely has little to nothing to do with me. Buy my head, even with negative girl safely ensconced in her box, has the anxiety light is lit and flashing.
So today I called to confirm a meeting this afternoon, and waited for a reply of some sort – I always get a reply of some sort. Sure enough, it finally came about an hour before our meeting time, a text saying he would need to reschedule with me.
I remain perplexed. Finally, I picked up the phone and called again, left another message expressing what I just expressed above. Basically a clingy, needy, desperate “are you breaking up with me as your business manager?” type message. And no, I do not feel like shit or a cling-on accountant. I care about this man and if something is up, please just be as straight with me as you always have been. I do not need details, just reassure me that you are okay, we are okay, and the issues is not beyond repair.
He texted me back an hour after that message (of course I am driving at the time and cannot look at my phone) and with and said no, he’s not firing me or initiating break-up proceedings. In brief text-speak, he explained life circumstances he does not want to explain in detail right now are looming, but he knows if he needs anything, M and I are at the ready to help. Things will return to normal after the holiday.
So that leaves me a little worried, but I have to have faith it will all work out after awhile. Worry is a waste of emotion, time, and energy. In addition to embracing positive experiences, I am also in pursuit of conserving my energy – all of it.
It’s been an interesting day and a very long, arduous, yet excellent week. I figured out that my neck and shoulder pain is from the position of my monitor at the office. A riser purchased and the neck and shoulder pain is greatly alleviated today … although I know the tumble on Tuesday did impact my shoulder more than I realized at first. Driven to magnesium tonight and like magic physically feeling so much better.
Usually the head leads the relaxation charge, but this time body is pretty insistent on some down-time R&R. Curling up with a book and falling asleep at usual weekday time with an extra 2 hours to sleep in tomorrow morning sounds like heaven.
Happy weekending everyone!