First off, I feel a bit like an invalid. *sad face* My chest muscles feel tender from the biopsies yesterday and make me aware of breathing. Nothing seriously painful, mostly just really annoying. Personally I think these tests should not be so painful, but that’s just me weenie-whining. Must be done, because the consequences are dire. I know this. But I still don’t have to like it all that much. Anyone who thinks “oh goodie! I get to go have needle biopsies (4 to be exact – she had to have a do-over on the second) today!” is insane. Just saying.

But I am either another type of crazy or just a trooper, depending upon who you ask, and I was at the gym going through a leg/lower body List today. Very slowly, with very light weights or none at all, but I was there and persisting with my practice. And in truth it was good for my mental game even if it was just ho-hum to the legs and lower body. Some things I had to substitute – no way I was doing an inchworm today, so I went with crunches on the stability ball and hands/arms across my chest rather than upward or behind my head – and everything I used very light weights. Anything where I typically use a 15 I was using a 5, and if I typically use a 25 or 30, I was using a 15. A couple of things where I have been using 10 lb. DBs are still sort of learning curves, but the 10s worked fine. I felt better about that.

No rows, no pull downs, no chest presses even in warmup. I’m super silly even talking about it, because this soreness will pass quickly. Until then, though, I have choices between at least 3 different leg Lists. I will have super hero legs at this rate. So there is that.

I also have warm and fuzzy feelings because of something friend J did, that just makes me smile and feel so pleased to have this caliber of friend and adopted brother figure. He hates when I talk about him in sappy girl terms – says it’s the same as when I slip as tell people he is so cute. (For the record, all the men in my life kind of hate it when I use the “cute” word about them.) But suck it up, buttercup; or skip this part of the post.

So he and I had a silly little wager on trainer J’s recovery from a medical procedure, and I lost. However, friend J was so confident that he would prevail in this one that he purchased and forwarded a card for trainer J, to accompany his prize winnings I would procure and deliver to the genuinely temporarily medically maimed among us. Friend J did not tell me in advance, so I was really surprised when it arrived in the mail yesterday. And curious, intensely curious. So when I gave trainer J most of his package this morning (I just acquired the last 6 cans of rock star to complete his prize) I included the card, and he kindly opened it and put me out my curiosity misery. And let me just say – it was PERFECT! So much like friend J, so perfect for the occasion, and it made me fall in friendship/brother love for him all over again.

And gives him something else to crow about for the next few years. *smile*

Because while he’s a bachelor guy and loves his single life and lifestyle, truth is he is among the most genuine and generous people I have ever met. He’s profane. He can be incredibly rude. If he knows you and truly likes you, or if he doesn’t know you and figures he will never see you again, he will always tell you exactly what’s on his mind in very plain and simple, impossible to misunderstand sentences. Sometimes he tries for diplomacy … assuming he doesn’t really know you and thinks maybe he might have to see you again in the future. He has hurt my feelings unintentionally (most of the time) through our long friendship, and has apologized and been appropriately miserable about it afterward. But mostly, he’s fiercely loyal, honest to a fault, and does things for others simply because it seems like the right thing to do. For all the teasing I do about his ginormous ego and vanity, he is confident enough to not worry about how things reflect upon him, good or bad. He does kind, nice, generous things for others just because he acted on an impulse without concern for gratitude or how impressed anyone else might be by his actions. Ever since I have known him he has been singularly unimpressed by nearly everything other people think about him. This does not mean he is completely indifferent to the opinions of others; if he likes and/or respects you, the opinions and belief you harbor about him begin to matter. It’s both refreshing and infuriating, and I have wished more than once to be capable of adopting similar attitudes.

While we have been close friends for more than 20 years, the last year he has been more “present” in my day-to-day life since he moved east, primarily because of his interest in my exercise efforts. He himself has run the gamut from runner to physique-style weight lifting to power lifting to cycling and now back to lifting weights just for his personal satisfaction and ongoing good health. His initial suspicion and reserve toward trainer J has done a complete 180, because I like and trust J so much and have been so profoundly impacted by what he has taught me to date. Friend J is intensely proud of my efforts, so much so he has absorbed trainer J into his tribe by osmosis, because they have not actually met yet.

So I’m smiling hugely because of the gesture, and especially the sentiment expressed in the card. So. Perfect. Even M was impressed and amused by the card when he saw it.

Sappy girl stuff now concluded.

And a work-related situation – this is breaking news from this morning.

My former firm remains a thorn in my side. Because I was an officer during my tenure with them (no longer – ensured I updated the corporate documents when I left the firm), they are being sued and I have the good fortune of being named in the lawsuit as well. Wonderful, right? Now working for attorney does have its perks, in that I need not panic or rush out to obtain my own counsel just yet. I was served with the lawsuit paperwork this morning, although I have heard from unofficial sources that it may or may not be coming for me. Since the incident in question occurred after I left the firm, I should be completely removed from this situation. However, I may still be called to give testimony, which will be unpleasant.

Needless to say, it’s both infuriating and frightening, but weighted way, way heavier on the infuriating side of the equation. I have not yet talked to the former owners yet, having just received the documents, but I am going in to see my bosses today and informally ask their thoughts and advice on how to proceed.

Aggravating. Just talking about it here makes me so darn angry.

On another exercise/gym related matter – one of the newer trainers in my club was named trainer of the month out of however many clubs there are in the corporation. I saw it on Facebook, and immediately, jokingly texted J as to when HE had been trainer of the month, how are these things decided (thinking I missed my opportunity to vote), and most importantly, is this a congratulations-are-appropriate type event when I cross paths with this young man in the gym? I mean, I would hate to walk up and spontaneously offer genuine congratulations on this and have him be thinking it’s kind of a joke, everyone knows it’s kind of a joke, and there I am happily, sincerely congratulating him on a joke achievement. I would feel stupid, and worse, kind of as if I were being offensive for taking it seriously as a thing. I mean, I honestly didn’t know. From my personal observations he has a nice way with the clients he’s been working with, and he is the only one-on-one trainer I see in the gym (besides J) at 5 in the morning or at my rare, Friday night appearance he was there working with someone at 8 p.m. on a Friday night.

So yeah, I am genuine in congratulating him on the achievement. But not if it was going to make me appear to be an asshat because the announcement is kind of a joke. I simply didn’t know for sure, and I don’t work for a large firm that does this kind of thing.

I wish things were different, that I could just say “hey, saw you on Facebook. Great job!” and not be second guessing myself as to whether or not it is appropriate. So now J is coaching me on what to say to a coworker of his, one he likes and believes has potential, which is in itself high praise. And I greatly appreciate the coaching, because I don’t know the guy at all. But still, I want him to be successful in his chosen endeavor; I would like everyone to work hard and be successful at their chosen careers. Sappy-happy me believes the world is a better, kinder place when people are mostly content and satisfied with their work and lot in life.

And I’m still waiting for biopsy results – they said Thursday. But everything I hear from friends says it could be later today or more likely tomorrow, but Thursday at the very latest.

Happy Tuesday everyone.


5 thoughts on “Tuesday’s feelings

    1. Yep, I know, right? Unfortunately breast cancer is huge in my family and better safe than sorry. Fortunately I have been down this road before, and I am not going to worry until they tell me it’s something worth worrying about. 🙂

  1. Biopsys are just not fun. I think they should at least give us a sticker or a taffy or something afterwards. But mine weren’t as bad because my doc hit all three on the nose and they weren’t deep. But now we wait.
    I am damn glad your new employers have your deserve to have good people around you at work to!
    Sleep well

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