Everything’s okay. Even the stuff that’s not.

I read this on another forum I follow and thought it should be adopted as a motto for life. Or my life anyway. Although for today, most days anymore, I can be 99% truthful in saying every is okay. Sure there are things I dislike, would change if I could, and of course the stuff that does not generate much if any enthusiasm. Overall, everything is at least okay.

Most days are worthy of at a least a little glitter sprinkling if not out and out bombing.

Today I’m grateful, so insanely grateful for good health. There was so much weak-kneed relief at the negative for cancer results that I realize people in my life were really worried and trying hard to conceal it. The life I have led thus far leads me to being somewhat philosophical about the specter of doom, in that I recognize everyone has to die of something someday. But I am just glad my something is not cancer and not looming large in my life right now. When I have actually thought about what would be involved if the biopsies were positive, my thoughts have been (1) what will this do to my exercise habits, (2) what happens if I want to wait until after my son’s wedding next month to start treatment, and (3) losing my hair is really going to suck because I fear my head is oddly shaped.

My thoughts on the topic were obviously not terribly deep when I allowed myself to consider the possibilities. But I was also equally certain there would not be anything more to worry about, despite my family history and proclivity toward developing breast cancer. Most of the women in my family smoke too much, drink too much, and worry far more than most entire clans of families put together. I have become someone who does not worry about health stuff until informed that there is in fact something to worry about, and even then I accept that treatment is a leap of faith in the advances of modern medicine and the skills of the doctors overseeing my care. Prayers help, if only because they generate positive energy in other people and on my behalf. Having observed the impact on other people’s lives as they stress and obsess about things well beyond their control, I want to avoid crippling myself that much further. I have my own crazy brain thoughts and impulses and have to expend some energy trying to control that part of me. Granted, it’s far simpler with negative girl contained, and I am surrounded by people who care and make me want to continue to pursue this better, more positive version of myself.

Work has been crazy, and I think it has an impact on my overall patience and tolerance for other silliness that crosses my pathway. This morning I was working on my List of the day, albeit with still lighter weights because my chest muscles still felt a little tender under the stress of regular weights I utilize, and this batshit crazy-seeming member came into the room I typically use and starts running around in circles. He did say hello to me, inquire as to how I was doing, but did not try to engagement me further in conversation and seemed to accept my brief answers and turning back to my bench and dumbbells I was using. It was when the shadowboxing and loud conversations (heard through my headset with music volume fairly high) with invisible friends or foes that I decided to bail and implement plan B, which was going outside to use the cable machine instead.

He is just a weird guy. I am not sure how long the current Plan B will work, but perhaps I will develop more tolerance for his brand of nuttiness. Today I was kind of tired and just not in the mood to make myself adjust.

At work we recently hired new associates and already one is on the edge of not passing her probation period. While I am bummed about the idea someone so talented not finding a way to fit in with the firm and its culture, every firm has its own feel and vibe. Hard work is a key, for sure, but so is being able to get along with your peers and your managers. People wash out of big firms every recruiting season, but we did everything within our power to make good choices for staff and sometimes it simply doesn’t work.

Days like this, dealing with staffing issues make me wonder how I ever successfully found enough patience to raise children, especially during my single parent years. I recognize now that it is far easier for me to cope with a 5 year old struggling to be grow up and mature and make it to 6 than it is to cope with a 28 year old acting as if she is still 5 and settling in at that maturity level. Responsibility for failure is not mine when smart people want to act helpless and be stupid about the practicalities of paid employment.

Anymore, I am beginning to realize that many of the cautionary tales that I thought must be urban legends or only happen in much larger cities are part and parcel of the actual reality for many an HR professional. The expectations of some millennials are simply laughable to me, and I wonder how things have gotten so haywire. Maybe the millennials I know who are hard working with big plans and dreams and zero expectations that anything will be handed to them are the special snowflakes in a sea of spoiled and entitled bratty young adults.

It was a great day, full of good news and positive progress. Even the stuff that wasn’t.

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