Confession: I did not get up at 3:45 this morning and was not at the gym by 5 a.m. Instead, I lay in bed and looked at my phone at 3:58, 4:16, and finally at 4:30 and decided exercise this morning was not my priority. Sleep was my priority. So I set a new alarm for 7 and promptly fell back asleep.

It has officially been 10 months of steady, consistent, daily exercise at the gym or in the yoga studio. Looking back through my calendar (where I am old school of marking up a calendar with big black X’s for each day I go to the gym or yoga), I have missed 14 days in the last 10 months where I did not do one or the other. Mind squeals at that number – that’s 2 whole weeks! In reality, it’s not bad. From a woman who only went to the gym for training sessions once a week for several months, I have come a long way.

And really, I needed the sleep. I am finally getting the foundational concepts behind “listen to your body” my entire village and many of my friends talk about with me.

The most interesting part of this turn of events is that I do not feel guilty or angsty or even concerned about it. I can feel guilty feelings trying to sprout, but the sky is still up there overhead, there  have been no reports of tsunamis or earthquakes or incidents of spontaneous combustion overtaking the land, so I feel confident in saying the only person impacted by this choice is me. I also feel confident in saying I am not especially impacted.

While I was getting ready for work this morning I was pondering the events leading up to my need for additional hours of rest. They are external to my exercise and better health quest and relate to work, wedding, and social commitments related to work and the wedding. We are all very excited about G and K’s wedding in a few weeks, yet we are all looking forward to the wedding and its associated festivities being concluded. I am certain we will enjoy it and have many wonderful memories. However, it takes a lot of time and has its own level of stress built in. Out of all of us, G and K truly seem most eager to be done and move on to the next adventure in life.

Work and it’s associated stressures and headaches I have spoken of in many of my posts the last month. Things are winding down and getting back to baseline normal, but as is typical for me in these situations, I have to readjust to normal-normal. This morning is just another symptom of the transition.

Mentally, things are so much improved from once upon a time. I’m not feeling guilty or stressed/obsessed about missing my morning practice. Although it did, very briefly, occur to me that if this were a normal week, I would probably have dragged my sorry ass out of bed and to the gym. Because whatever we did on Monday would be ping-ponging around in my head. Review, new List, new exercises, I would be thinking about it and having a strong desire to run through it again on my own. Knowing I had another appointment with J tomorrow, I would be thinking about this practice and formalizing any questions or comments to report back to J on Thursday. No sessions this week, not feeling the desire or need to be reporting anything, it lends a different feel to practice.

Just another reminder of why I value and prioritize my training sessions.

Today I hit the wall, and I suppose I have expected it would happen eventually. I know all too well that I cannot cut corners, especially on the sleep, and be successful on an ongoing basis. One morning of misses practice. Perhaps I will make it up to myself this evening. Or not. Maybe a day away is in order? Hopefully this is not the beginning of a long backslide into complete sedentary lifestyle once more. Not. Happening. Not to me, not now, not with one morning of extreme fatigue and the need to sleep an extra 3 hours instead of exercise. Tonight? Maybe I’ll get there, maybe I won’t. Maybe it will be because I’m tired after a long day of exercising my brain. Maybe it will be because of my gym crazy and the intimidation factor of going at an unusual time. Maybe it’s just because my thinking and perception have matured enough to understand that one day of no exercise is not the end of life as I know it right now. It just means my priorities for today may turn out to be different than they were yesterday and will be tomorrow.

Because what I do know, what I am absolutely certain of, is that tomorrow my butt will be out of bed and in the gym pursuing List of the day. Because I can cut myself some slack on missing one day of practice this week, but 2, consecutively? Not a chance.

Happier, healthier, more rational me is winning the war against negative girl and her minions. It is a type of genuine progress that cannot be measured by scales or tape measures or sets or reps or weights.

And I feel extraordinarily great and very proud of myself about all of that.

5 thoughts on “Hello Wall, my old friend

    1. I have found I just got used to it. If I am going to make exercise a priority, it has to be the first thing I do every day, and the way my life works and how much time I need to ensure I do everything I feel I should in the gym, I have to be up that early to get there by 5. Of course, I am in bed with most grade school children as well, but my DH gets up even earlier (his alarm goes off at 2:45) to get his daily 20 mile run done before the heat hits.

  1. You should be extremely proud. It is a huge accomplishment to transform your life & make fitness such a consistent priority. Occasionally our body does need the rest vs the workout, and sleeping in was much needed it sounds like. Congrats – super impressed with you!!

    1. Thanks Hawaii Planner! I am getting more comfortable with my non-superhuman, non-Wonder Woman abilities and the need to take a break. Doing the best I can do has to be good enough, and I am learning to accept that.

  2. I wondered when you were going to get there … ie the workout no longer becomes an obsession, but is there for all the pleasure it brings you, but one where you realize it only gets better with the occasional break.

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