Being investment grade

Just a quick thought tonight from a couple of recent quick interactions.

I was chatting with a friend tonight about a dating/relationship problem she’s coping with and working through right now. It’s not terribly or unusually complicated, but she suffers from the same overthinking affliction and was torn between overthinking or overreacting to an evolving relationship situation and sometimes needs an outsider’s objectivity. I’m not sure I’m the best choice, but it was a question and problem that gave me pause and desire to really think about it before responding more directly and specifically with my ideas.

I care very deeply about my friends and the people in my life. If they ever ask for help or advice I always hope I am up for the task, that I have some practical wisdom to offer rather than just moral support. The conversation tonight just took me back to last year, when I was frustrated with my job and the status of my health and trying to figure out how to dynamite myself off the couch and into something more productive and out of the unpleasant hole where I was sitting. She was kind and encouraging with just enough firm shove forward backed by genuine belief to carry me through to the next step and the additional stumbling forward until I gained some confidence.

At the time I was humbled to be thought of as investment grade, someone worthy of her time and encouragement.

So tonight we’re talking and she’s the one with doubts and facing challenges and feeling insecure and unsure of herself. I get to be the one to offer up the encouragement and remind her of how truly awesome she is in all she brings to the table.

Then I was chatting with trainer J and confirming tomorrow’s appointment. Since there’s a blank spot at 7, I offered to push back until then, so he could sleep a little later and have no gap between appointments. Because really, it’s all about him, of course.

And it made him laugh, always a bonus. But to my own ears (and eyes – we were texting) it sounded better than what flittered through my mind, that I was being thoughtful about his workday just because I have a flexible schedule and can do so.

Then again, it’s true. If I myself wanted to sleep the extra hour I would have just asked if I could come in an hour later. But my body clock is set for a 6 a.m. appointment on Monday and I am the spoiled rotten client who has frequently received extra time if there is no client immediately following. I also take the work seriously, am ready to get to work when our appointment time rolls around, and I do go forth and practice what he teaches me. So there is that balance as well.

Sometimes I have to pause and remind myself that I am worthy of the good stuff that comes my way, that I work hard and I earn it. My investment in myself is no longer a great gamble with time and money; my track record has been proven. That makes me smile, and puff up just a little with new pride. For so much of my life I felt like a failure, someone who gave up and quit too soon.

Not this time. Not anymore.

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