For at least the last 2 weeks, I have been having nightmares every single night. About work of all things. They began within a few days of meeting original Hellbeast, but as the rest of the Hellbeast clan has stepped up and introduced themselves (there is now Spawn of Hellbeast and Hellbeast Junior in the mix), the nightmares have grown worse. Even with the final determination that (1) I am being released with a fantastic separation/severance package, and (2) our last workday as a firm is 6/29, meaning I have only 4 more workdays, the stress of leaving a job I love is getting to me.
My fabulous personal lawyer J will be in the office tomorrow to meet with Spawn of Hellbeast and to review the agreement she presents for my notarized signature. He has been my champion in this mess and insisted upon coming to the office and reviewing the final document before I sign it. I am not too proud to gladly accept his hand-holding through this final step.
But even with that behind me – we came to terms by Monday and scheduled this meeting at that time – the nightmares had been getting worse. Whereas earlier they had been realistic dreams of making mistakes or forgetting critical documents or missing hard deadlines, they have been growing increasingly darker and more violent as the days pass. One night this week it was a shooting in the building – an office that looks nothing like where we have ever dwelled – and the police would not let us leave while they searched for the shooter and Hellbeast and her minions insisted we continue to work. I woke up when loud noises rang out in my dreams, only to find my alarm was bleating softly and it was time to wake up.
Last night the office had been magically transported to an airplane … that suicide bombing terrorists were intent on blowing up. The explosion woke me up … at 2:40 in the morning. Anytime I wake up on on a Thursday morning gasping for breath my body clock just knows its Thursday and immediately has me sure I’ve massively overslept and am now dreadfully late for my standing appointment with trainer J. Kind of hard to go back to sleep when your airplane office has been blown up in your head.
While my very logical mind understands this is stress manifesting itself, it is distressing. I have not been watching the news or violent videos or movies; such things give me nightmares so I avoid them. There are 4 workdays left and just over a week until I am done with all this, both a relief and a huge source of sadness. I can and will tough it out, even if on minimal sleep between now and then.
I will miss seeing my associates every day. And as much as we promise to stay in touch, it is not the same as being in the same workplace and slaying the same dragons together day after day.
I am not really an overly emotional person under normal circumstances, but these are not quite normal circumstances. Plus I am a sentimental softie. Who knew?
The rest of my life is proceeding and things are good. While I have told all my self-employment clients about leaving my full-time job and having more time available if they need additional help, I admit hoping for a light July to consider an office away from home to work in rather than trying to work from home. Love M to pieces, but working from home all day every day – he will start to get on my nerves. Not sure yet if I will again be traveling to other client offices for work or working primarily out of an office location of my choosing, but have some ideas and considering options for renting some private office space nearby.
If only I can get a restful night’s sleep without any Very Bad Things befalling me or the office.