Relationships matter

After a day of couch surfing, crying, feeling sorry for myself, I finally picked myself up and got annoyed enough with something else. So I got started deep cleaning my shower, which led to decluttering the countertop in the master bathroom. And more crying. One of our final interactions we were looking at apartments for…

Malaise

It's been 2 weeks since my close friend J died. During that time I have primarily carried on as normal, albeit with more crying and feelings of sadness and grief. But work has continued, my exercise and better health quest carries on, the immediate paperwork and document filing associated with someone's passing have been handled.…

Hopeful realism

After starting this post during lunch and scanning it quickly just now, I recognize that shock of sudden death is starting to fade and I am in full-on processing mode, albeit the scenic route. I live a small life. It's not big, not flashy, not glamorous. But in the ways that are important to me,…

Gone KonMari crazy with a little weep

For about the last 18 months, I have been on a mission to declutter. I mean, it seems like I am always decluttering my closet (that infinite space that reproduces even more crap the minute I close the doors). But I'm more serious this time. I'm even openly attacking Mark's clothes, albeit rarely worn dress…

Dinner bell

It has been a rough week, but into all sadness a little levity sneaks. I put some chicken in the oven tonight for dinner through the weekend. Nothing fancy - just a simple, roasted chicken. Since it was cooking for 45 minutes, I stepped outside to chat with M about projects he is working on…

The thing about life … and death

I lost a friend Sunday, probably my very closest and best friend. While he had been seriously sick and recovering for the better part of a year, he was improving. He was able to travel and come home. We had 5 glorious days of talking, laughing, arguing like siblings, just being. While there is no…

Hello again

I have been MIA - again. While I have been pretty busy - because we're all pretty busy - it's essentially a lame excuse. My focus of late has been on my better health, getting my big girl capris out of their twist and bitch-slapping myself back to reality. I'm doing fine. I'm not slacking.…

Better choices today

Immediately after bleeding my angry rage post yesterday, I was off for a visit with TM (my therapist, for newer readers unaware of my tribe of experts). Even in the midst of my own crazy, I understand when the walls have closed and boxed me in and how I need help getting out of a…