Coping with past histories

M and I have been married nearly 20 years, together for more than 25. A long shared history. However, we both had lives, friendships, relationships before we became a couple. Like everyone else. Not so stark difference with us is that vast majority of my friends pre-M have become part of the fabric of our…

Right where I need to be

Blogging. It seems the process takes on life of its own. There is so much to write about, yet so little of any substance. Or so goes my judgment and justification for why I'm not getting more posts written and published. I have been pondering blogging a fair amount in the month of September. Not…

Tides

Emotionally, feeling the bounce toward my typical push-pull life balance. Gaining perspective doesn't happen in a vacuum with all my sadness and grief under lockdown. Unfortunately grief is a process and there are no shortcuts. Tuesday mornings I have a standing 5:30 conference call with an east coast client. It is typically an energetic phone…

Malaise

It's been 2 weeks since my close friend J died. During that time I have primarily carried on as normal, albeit with more crying and feelings of sadness and grief. But work has continued, my exercise and better health quest carries on, the immediate paperwork and document filing associated with someone's passing have been handled.…

Hopeful realism

After starting this post during lunch and scanning it quickly just now, I recognize that shock of sudden death is starting to fade and I am in full-on processing mode, albeit the scenic route. I live a small life. It's not big, not flashy, not glamorous. But in the ways that are important to me,…

Gone KonMari crazy with a little weep

For about the last 18 months, I have been on a mission to declutter. I mean, it seems like I am always decluttering my closet (that infinite space that reproduces even more crap the minute I close the doors). But I'm more serious this time. I'm even openly attacking Mark's clothes, albeit rarely worn dress…

The thing about life … and death

I lost a friend Sunday, probably my very closest and best friend. While he had been seriously sick and recovering for the better part of a year, he was improving. He was able to travel and come home. We had 5 glorious days of talking, laughing, arguing like siblings, just being. While there is no…